Scott Martelle
journalist/author

Memo

To: All employees

From: Scott Martelle, aka, “The Boss” at Self-Employed Writer

Re: Holiday office party

Hi, all!

Well, the holidays are staring us in the face, and the Social Committee (thanks, Scott) has been doing its usual bang-up job making plans for the annual Holiday Office Party Extravaganza.

After analyzing the results of a poll of the entire staff, we have settled on the date for the Extravaganza: Friday, Dec. 16. We’ll kick things off about 5 p.m. in the Main Office (Scott’s desk) with a cold beer selected by the Drinks Committee (thanks, Scott). Then as the party warms up we’ll move into the kitchen for a non-catered meal of whatever the Food Committee (thanks, Scott) manages to rustle up.

Music is a must-have at any holiday party, and in keeping with the nature of our business, the Music Committee (thanks, Scott) has put together a playlist of songs by solo artists. We think it’s important to support our fellow self-employed, especially during the holidays, so no music by full bands will be included.

As you all know, it’s a difficult market out there, yet this has still been a successful year. The Book Division (thanks, Scott) released a new book in April, and has another coming out this spring. The Journalism Division (thanks, Scott) sold some 40 articles. Yet revenues have not been what we had hoped, so we decided not to appoint a Decorations Committee (sorry, Scott) this year. But after a couple of beers, you never notice the decorations anyway.

A few other cutbacks worth mentioning. Last year the Transportation Committee (thanks, Scott) lined up taxi service – better safe than sorry! But since this is a home office, the cab wasn’t necessary so we’re not going to retain one this year. Ditto for the carolers, especially after that unfortunate incident last year when one of our employees rudely shut the door in their faces while screaming, “Harmonize with this!” I should note that the employee (yes, it was Scott) was reprimanded, and an entry was made in his personnel file. Let that be a warning to you all. Fortunately, no lawyers were involved so we didn’t need to convene the Legal Committee (thanks anyway, Scott).

And, in a final cost-cutting move, we decided not to include spouses this year (she’s busy that night anyway). We realize that having spouses attend can be a useful disincentive for spur-of-the-moment office “romances,” but ultimately decided it really isn’t necessary.

Finally, it bears repeating some of our basic rules of behavior for the annual Holiday Office Party Extravaganza, drawn up by the Rules Committee (thanks, Scott):

-- The copy machine is to be used for copies of documents, only.

-- Don’t monopolize the conversation.

-- Don’t eat all the cookies yourself.

-- Keep the volume down on the stereo (this means you, Scott)

-- Drink responsibly (ditto).

-- Have fun!

If there are any questions about the plans, or suggestions for improvements, get in touch with Scott. And it’s never too soon to start planning for next year, so if you want to join one of the planning committees, let Scott know.

See you at the party!